Yes lives in the land of No

I know a guy who's been seeing a woman who makes him miserable.

He knows it, and so do his friends.

She's not a terrible person, but she is wrong for him and drains the guy's energy.

He's always complaining about the relationship, after years, but never leaves. She makes him feel small. I can't imagine staying in that.

When I asked him why, he said something along these lines:

"I can't deal with the pain of dating right now. At least with her, things are familiar."

He's choosing guaranteed misery over potential rejection.

I know I can't force anyone to change, but when I speak with him, this repeatedly comes to my mind:

Being able to handle hearing "no" is the solution to most of life's problems.

This doesn't just apply to relationships; it applies to everything.

For example, when I decided to upgrade my coaching clients years ago, I knew it meant charging higher fees. And I knew this meant hearing "no" from more people, far more often.

I'd quote a price, watch them flinch, and hear: "Sorry, I can't afford you, Alex."

Repeatedly.

It stung at first. But I kept going. And I grew from this significantly.

But my business grew faster this year than in any other period. It grew, not despite hearing NO more often, but because of it.

Successful people are comfortable hearing "no."

They don't avoid rejection like most. They lean into it. They see the value in it.

Because to get the YES you want, you need to be willing to hear NO - several even.

As my mentor Steven Chandler said:

Yes lives in the land of No.

My friend is stuck because he believes this:

"If someone rejects me, I lose self-esteem."

That's the lie keeping him (and most people) trapped.

Ask yourself right now whether this is actually true.

Can you see the flaw in this thinking?

Does your worth decrease when someone says no to you? Or is your 'worth' just your worth, unchanged by someone else's preference?

Sit with that.

The moment you stop believing rejection threatens your value, you're free to pursue what you actually want instead of settling for what feels safe.

If you want to become an absolute badass at handling rejection, you'll love my course:

Let Go of the S#it That Weakens You helps you dismantle beliefs like this at the root.

The course walks you through questioning the assumptions that keep you playing small, staying stuck, and avoiding the discomfort that leads to growth.

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Much love,

Alex