What if annoying people were a real gift?

A friend of mine dreads going home.

Her mother, she says, stirs up all kinds of drama.

She quietly seethes when her mother’s around.

It’s a shame that one’s home sanctuary should be a source of such stress.

But this is common.

Many of us see the most frustration and disharmony closer to home.

I also had people close to me whom I struggled with.

I wished they would change.

Years later, it showed me how much energy I wasted on trying to will others to change, and it only pushed us apart.

A mentor of mine, Michael Neill, did a talk on ‘difficult people’ and it changed my whole outlook.

No matter how someone else behaves, I learned that my stress doesn’t come from that ‘difficult person’.

The stress is always a result of my interpretation of that person.

(Understanding this is the secret to full mental resilience fyi).

I say they’re difficult, and I live in the feeling of that judgement.

I then become frustrated, bitter and hold on to resentments.

And where does that leave me? Stressed, wound up and with a conflicted relationship at home.

When I realised that I was the one projecting judgment on someone else, I saw the way out.

I could be there and breathe.

When I did that, my mind unclenched, and my body softened.

I looked into their eyes and finally listened.

The space between relaxed thoughts revealed insights about this person. I found a way to be compassionate.

I saw how that person was suffering. And I felt connected.

Even if they were saying ridiculous things.

Even if they were making choices I knew were not good for them.

I can either see the ‘difficulty’ in someone, and get increasingly angry.

Or I can relax, see things without judgement, and find a way to understand why they might be struggling.

When I’m here, I see ‘annoying’ people as a real gift.

My connection with them deepens. They can see I am not reacting as I once did. They soften too.

Win. Win.

If you like this idea and want to take it further to dramatically improve your relationships, you might like my Untethered Mind course.

This course guides you through a series of insights that I had about the mind, my thoughts, and the origins of stress.

I promise you, it will change your life, like it has for hundreds of students.

You can learn more here.

Best

Alex