This one behaviour will attract most people to you:

I don’t know about you, but my life tends to flow better when I’m in harmony with other people.

(not a massive surprise)

Much of this has to do with being attractive.

Why?

Perhaps you want to be promoted at work, succeed on a podcast interview, win the girl over on that first date, or connect with more subscribers as a creator.

It can be challenging to do this well. Human nature can be seemingly unpredictable, and people vary in their preferences.

Thanks to all my years as an awkward, spotty, anxious young dude, I became obsessed with human behaviour.

Out of everything I learned, one thing consistently positively affected people more than anything else.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Many variables are at play, depending on the context and the person or people you are with.

But this is the one thing that seems to possess the magic.

Whether we realise it or not, we’re continually telegraphing information about the kind of person we are through our behaviours.

These behaviours can be subtle, or they can be bold and brazen.

But the communication is felt.

So, what’s that one behaviour then, Alex?

Is it confidence?

Or cheerfulness?

Or enthusiasm?

How about not caring about what others think?

Those all contribute. But what I’ve found even more reliable, beyond any overt displays of charisma, is this:

It’s not needing anything from anyone.

You needing something, anything, from another person, or group is…felt.

It is also smelt.

It oozes out of your pores.

And it pushes people away.

This doesn’t mean you can’t want things.

Wanting is far different to needing.

But here’s the thing about wanting:

It doesn’t matter who or where you get the things you want from.

You can want money. You can want plenty of freedom (and goats). You are allowed to want a healthy relationship. You are allowed to want success, and lots of it.

But you don’t need it from anyone in particular.

Why?

Because you, my dear friend, have options.

At the very least, you behave like someone who does.

That’s what’s attractive. You signal psychological and material status this way.

When we’re needy, we rely on things being a certain way. We lean in too much. We get visibly annoyed when we receive that NO.

We push that little bit extra when someone pulls back.

But, you don’t need anything.

You don’t NEED someone to be nice to you.

You don’t need money from any one person.

You don’t need love from any one person.

You want these things, and that’s good, and you will get those things…

When you can learn to detach yourself from outcomes.

So, here’s something to reflect on today.

What if you needed less, in all areas?

Yes, define and embrace your wants.

Go out and get what’s yours.

But also chill. Smile when things don’t go your way.

Do this, and everything you want will be yours.

This idea, by the way, is one of many tiny daily habits I write about in my book, The Art of Self Respect.

This is book you need to read this weekend if you want to feel excited about what’s possible for yourself again.

It’s the book that will help you transform your confidence and happiness in a way that actually works: tiny, fun, daily habits.

Try it.

Get the book (and several vital confidence-growth bonuses you get nowhere else) here.

Toodles and mountain cows,

Alex