The trick that made me less scared of people

In my twenties, my heart would race just at the thought of upcoming group gatherings.

It made me jittery, anxious, and often painfully quiet when around people I didn’t know.

Those years made me begin to doubt my confidence.

...That I was just ’shy,’ and there was something hopelessly wrong with me.

I came across a course on social phobia that made me realise this whole ‘shy personality’ thing may be a whole load of nonsense.

One of the things it taught was the importance of ‘slow talk.’

Socially anxious people often talk fast, often without even realising it. When you consciously slow your speaking, your anxiety reduces noticeably.

I was doing this too. I’d speak fast like I was being timed, barely breathing, stomach tight. The aim in conversation was to get my turn over with as fast as possible.

I didn’t want that limelight.

But rushing made it worse.

I didn’t know this at the time, but when I fast-talked, I was reinforcing my (false) self-doubting identity.

I was signalling to my brain that my words counted for less based on my behaviour.

And most of us do this in various ways, to varying degrees, undermining our true, natural confidence.

When I shifted one small thing and made slow talk a habit when around others, I felt much calmer. Conversations were easier to process. Glimpses of my funny, confident self returned.

I was hijacking my old identity with a new habit.

Not with clever affirmations, or pills or even mindfulness.

Simple new habits.

When people say they lack confidence, they really do not. They just have old little habits that block confidence from appearing in its natural form.

If this grabbed you...

My book The Art of Self-Respect is all about changing small habits like these.

The book shares 25 actions to uncover the confidence you already have but might keep burying.

I’m running a very special, limited book bundle for this book (for subscribers only) that includes three bonus frameworks that will accelerate the calm confidence learned in the book, which I don't offer anywhere else.

PLUS, until this Wednesday, 3pm ET, you get free access to my popular course, The Likeability Code (usually $147) - The 9 Surprising Secrets of Likeable People.

After Wednesday, that bonus is gone.

Get The Art of Self-Respect bundle here.

Alex