Oh no, was I rude?

I recently asked someone for help with paperwork for my Austrian citizenship.

They spent a couple of days on it. Then circumstances changed, and I didn't end up using what they'd prepared.

Years ago, this would have bothered me more than it needed to.

I might have thought sad thoughts like:

They must think I'm thoughtless or lazy.

I took advantage of their time.

I've damaged the friendship…

I would have felt down, and might even have lost a little sleep over the idea that my relationship with someone was coming undone because they might think I was impolite or inconsiderate.

But over the years, these things, though frustrating, don't bother me nearly as much.

Because I know that how they choose to respond (especially when I was acting with good intentions at the time), is ON THEM.

It has nothing to do with me.

People react, but never to me directly as a person. They respond to the IDEA they have of me.

Big difference.

Sit with that for a moment. Imagine how your life would look if that were absolutely true.

Our brains find it easier to construct stories of other people, built on silly assumptions, past misinterpretations, and personal insecurities.

Or they aren't nearly as 'disappointed' with me and what I allowed to happen as I think.

Either way, the peace I now find here is directly tied to an updated, more realistic understanding of how our own thoughts affect our behaviour.

And I have zero control over what others think.

Seeing this meant that anxiety about what others thought about me dissolved.

I stopped losing hours worrying about others' interpretations…

And focused on doing one thing at a time with the best intentions.

I know some of you say you don't care what others think.

But we all do, to varying degrees. We're human.

We care about our impact, especially on people we value.

And it's perfectly okay to care. The problem is that when we dig too deep, our present and ongoing joy can be polluted by doubts.

I learned it is almost impossible to keep everyone completely happy.

And understanding how other people's choices are often affected by their state of mind made all that so much easier to deal with.

If you'd like to explore this more deeply, the Untethered Mind course helps directly with this.

The course isn't about snazzy mindset tactics. It's about cementing an updated mental operating system that sees things for what they are (presence), not what they appear to be (pain).

When this becomes internalised, not just intellectually, you enjoy less pressure, more momentum, and you enjoy more true confidence.

If this strikes you as a good thing to do as we kick off this new year, now's your moment.

Old programming kept me anxious for years. Updated understanding set me free.

Untethered Mind is the course that makes this possible.

Get Untethered Mind here before the price jumps.

Toodles,

Alex