I used to shut down when triggered

Someone would say something that bothered me deeply.

I'd either snap or go quiet and stew on it for hours or even days.

Other people had SO much influence over how I felt.

This would push people away.

I lost faith in myself to be able handle difficult situations because it was so easy for me to be incapacitated by my emotions.

Sometimes people would say things that hurt my feelings, and that would spiral into overthinking, rendering me useless.

For a long time, I just figured some people were naturally calmer than others, that I was wired a certain way, and that was just my ‘personality.’

But after years of working on this, I learned that calm, non-reactivity isn't a personality trait.

It's a skill.

A skill to get good at.

It took me years to understand this, but when I did, I started treating it like something I could practise.

I’d pause before responding. I’d breathe and watch my thoughts and my emotions more of the time instead of getting lost in them.

It became fun.

And I noticed the change quickly.

People started to trust me more. Conversations got easier. I made better, more rational decisions because I wasn't being hijacked by my emotions every five minutes.

Life seemed lighter, and surprisingly more straightforward.

Most of all, I started to trust myself. I began relying on my own judgement instead of constantly deferring to others, without realising I'd been doing so.

When you can stay calm while everyone else reacts, you become the person others look to. You become a rock. And that feeds into your sense of self-respect. It’s an ongoing loop.

It all starts with treating calm as a habit to build, not a gift you're either born with or not.

This is one of the 25 key habits shared in my book ‘The Art of Self Respect.’

Today is the final day to get the special ‘insiders’ bundle for subscribers only.

You get this book in all digital formats, plus three bonus frameworks on building calm confidence, and free access to The Likeability Code course (usually $147).

At 3pm ET today, January 21st, that course bonus disappears.

Get The Art of Self Respect bundle here.

“I have only read about six pages and I am already relaxed, optimistic, feeling safer in my body and smiling like a happy cat.“ - AOSR reader

Alex