I finally stopped trying to be 'authentic'

I remember going to house parties in my twenties and repeatedly telling myself in the mirror: 'Just be authentic.'

I'd be sweating because I always felt the complete opposite of 'authentic.'

When speaking to people, I'd be in my head, while people talked to me with gobs flapping.

I wasn't listening. I was watching to see if I wasn't being authentic.

I was trying to 'be myself.'

All I got was anxiety.

Clearly, that wasn't working.

One day, I saw the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza spent a day doing the opposite of what he usually does to find success.

So I just stopped trying to be 'authentic.'

Instead, I decided to just be. I'd even double down on not being too bothered about what was happening.

I felt more at ease, like I left a heavy bag I usually carry at home.

I noticed people warming to me more.

When I wasn't pressuring myself to be a certain way, I found I could enjoy myself more.

I applied this to everything.

My family life. My creative process. My friends. Social events.

I stopped trying to be anything.

I had more fun. And things just went so much better.

This applies to your writing and online presence, too.

When you're grinding to sound 'authentic' in your content, it often comes across the very opposite.

People run the other way.

Try instead to create without trying to be anyone in particular.

You may find your shoulders relax a fraction.

Your breathing slows.

And when you're chill, more flows. You connect with a deeper intelligence that cannot be described with words.

This is where you connect with your 'true self,' and people respond well to it.

When you aren't analysing your behaviour and trying to be a specific type of person, and when you lean into enjoying yourself, things improve dramatically.

I call this The Authenticity Paradox.

The Authenticity Paradox is one of 9 principles we explore more deeply in The Likeability Code course.

These tips stem from years spent studying the psychology behind influence and connection, both online and offline, and what led to me building a following of over 200,000 readers.

If you want more influence in your relationships and business, this is essential study for you.

But this course closes tomorrow, Wednesday at 3pm ET.

Right now it's $67 (down from $147) for hours.

Get access here before you miss it.

Stop trying to be yourself. Start enjoying the moment.

Alex

"You are an excellent communicator - my god, the years I've spent in therapy (really!) and all the other heavy dry writing I couldn't focus long enough to drag myself through, and you made it all simple, and human, and natural." - Michael Byrne, Subscriber