he plays it (too) cool

I know this dude who plays it cool with new people.

He doesn't ask much about people or lean in.

He keeps a distance, the way a toddler might when he meets someone he doesn't trust yet.

I get it. I think he means it as self-protection.

If he doesn't get too invested in people, he can't feel the sting of rejection when it (likely in his mind) inevitably comes.

The sad thing is, from the outside I see the guy getting the opposite of the effect he wants.

He wants to stay safe, but by rarely initiating or leaning into social connections, his opportunities stay shut.

This creates insecurity: lack of safeness.

Nothing really progresses for him.

In protecting himself, he has built a moat around himself.

So he never gets the invite to the second coffee, the introduction to the contact who might have changed his year, or the offer to collaborate on something that would have uplevelled his life.

Most of the successful and well-connected people I know do the opposite, and they don't do it as a strategy.

They're not necessarily smily-jawed extroverts.

They're just curious about the person in front of them, and in a way that's clearly real.

They notice what someone's wearing, what they ordered, what their life plans are, and they don't keep that stuff behind a wall of quivering ego.

They ask things. They find a way to show genuine interest.

And I can see people really love them for this. I personally like that feeling of being seen by someone, especially if it doesn't feel like they're doing it as part of some elaborate networking tactic.

What's cool is that this kind of social awareness isn't only for naturals. It absolutely can be learned.

For example, I used to think more about myself than others, and it just made me anxious.

Over time, I forced myself to find one interesting thing to like about the people I met. This became a habit after a while, and now I do this without even trying.

This particular example is part of what I call the 'Outward Focus Rule,' one of the 9 principles inside The Likeability Code.

Curiosity-acted-on is the difference between being someone new people want to keep helping versus being someone they avoid.

Bear in mind, the course closes for 5 months this Tuesday 23 June at 4pm ET.

It's open at $67 until then.

Get instant access here.

Cheerio,

Alex